The Economy is so bad … ;–) (humor)

The economy is so bad that the highest-paying job in town is jury duty.

The economy is so bad that I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border to Mexico.

The economy is so bad that parents in Bevery Hills are considering raising their own children.

The economy is so bad that I saw someone using the sun to get a tan!

The economy is so bad, I saw four CEOs playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad, Hot Wheels stock is trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad, mothers in Ethiopia are telling their children, “Finish your meal! Don’t you know there are starving children in the US?”

The economy is so bad, Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

The economy is so bad, the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

The economy is so bad, a certain celebutante changed her name to “Paris Holiday Inn.”

The economy is so bad that 7 of 10 houses on Sesame Street are in foreclosure.

The economy so bad, they renamed Wall Street “Wal-Mart Street.”

The economy is so bad, Angelina had to adopt a highway.

Happy Columbus Day weekend!

I have come to believe that this is a mighty continent which was hitherto unknown.
– Christopher Columbus
Italian-born Navigator and Explorer
Journal of the Third Voyage, May 30-August 31, 1493

If you love something, set it free…and hope it never returns!!!

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, eats your food,
messes up your stuff, takes, your money,
and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place,
then you either married or gave birth to it.

Divorce cakes–the next culinary trend?

Hello, gentle blog reader,

Divorce may be an unsavory topic, but these eye-popping “divorce cakes” sure do whet the appetite Bon appetit!

Fall Classes for Women–(humor!)

Fall Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday October 30, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks

Class 5
Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours

Class 8
Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim
Driving Simulations
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours

Class 11
Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

NASA Discovers Biggest Ring Around Saturn

Good morning, gentle blog reader,

Great news from outerspace–NASA’ has discovered the biggest ring yet around Saturn! Here’s the artist’s rendering:

Here’s more on the story:
Saturn ring

Who Packed Your Parachute? (An Inspirational Story with Wisdom)

Hello gentle blog reader,

A friend sent the following story–which got me to thinking…hope it gets you thinking too:

Who Packed Your Parachute?

by Author Unkown

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason.

Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate, was a jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience.

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, “You’re Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!”

“How in the world did you know that?” asked Plumb. “I packed your parachute,” the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man grabbed his hand and said, “I guess it worked!”

Plumb assured him, “It sure did. If your chute hadn’t worked, I wouldn’t be here today.”

Plumb couldn’t sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb kept wondering what the man might have looked like in a Navy uniform. He wondered how many times he might have seen him and not even said good morning, how are you or anything, because you see, he was a fighter pilot and the man was just a sailor. Plumb thought of the many hours that sailor had spent in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he did not know.

Now Plumb asks his audience, “Who is packing your parachute?” Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down. As you go through your week, month, and even New Year, recognize the people who have packed your parachute and enabled you to get where you are today!

CLASSES FOR MEN – ALL ARE WELCOME (Humour)

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, lunch will be provided as will instructions as how to take lunch from its packaging without a woman to hold it for you.

Topics covered on this course include:

DAY ONE

TOILET ROLLS – DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (pictures and graphics)

DISHES & CUTLERY:
DO THEY LEVITATE (FLY) TO KITCHEN SINK (DISHWASHER) BY THEMSELVES?
Debate amongst a panel of experts

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control – Helpline and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down whilst shouting – Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS:
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE TRASH?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH:
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation and anger management

LIVING WITH ADULTS:
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Role playing and slideshow

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class, NOT your secretary

GETTING OVER IT:
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available
(male counselors sadly unavailable-none passed training course)

It’s Bobbi’s blog’s 1st Birthday!!!

Staycation or trapped in a gilded cage???

Good morning, gentle blog reader,

Like many, my friends and I enjoyed recession-induced “staycations” this summer and, having spent this past year at thome, feel like we are trapped in gilded cages with distant places being but distant memories.

The net result of this year’s “staycation”: feeling restless and tired of being cooped up! Open the cage door, please–