Cactus Grammar

“Gary, you need to be less selfish. Remember, it’s ‘cactus-us’”.
“Actually, Sweety, the plural is cact-i.”

Gary the grammar cactus will never find love.

English Lesson

Correction: “english” should be “English.”

Good grammar is like personal hygiene …

… You can ignore it if you want, but don’t be surprised when people draw their conclusions.

Spelling error: “manager” vs “manger”

Grammar

The difference between know your shit and knowing you’re shit…

Mark Twain: “The difference between the right word and the almost right word …”

“… is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”

Every time you use an apostrophe to make a word plural, a puppy dies.

That’ll teach him.

“i” before “e” except…

…when you run a feisty heist on your weird beige foreign neighbor.

When comforting a grammar Nazi, I always say softly, “There, their, they’re.”

(Speaking of grammar, what’s with that period after “Nazi”?)

New Definitions: Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s

2. Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do
3. Bernadette: Yhe act of torching a mortgage
4. Counterfeiters: Workders who put together kitchen cabinets
5. Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist
6. Leftbank: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.
7. Paradox: Two physicians!
8. Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
9. Pharmacist: A helper on the farm
10. Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does
11. Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official!

(These are pretty baaadddd, aren’t they?)