What “Jobs” mean to the American People

Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home.

We all know you’re doing it for attention and we all know that you’ll be back!

Life is all about ass …

covering it, kicking it, kissing it or laughing it off!

Cookie Monster: Delete cookies?

Dear Santa, This year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body.

And please, don’t mix those two up like you did last year. Thanks.

Black Friday: Don’t you think it’s ironic that Americans spend the most money on new things …

the day after they say they’re grateful for what they already have?

“I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.” — Coco Chanel

All I need is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

Thanksgiving riddle

Q: Why do pilgrims’ pants keep falling down? Hint: A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!

In your mind’s browser, clear your cache …