Quote of the Day

“I spend the morning putting in a comma, and the afternoon taking it out.”

 

– Oscar Wilde

21 ECONOMIC MODELS EXPLAINED — WITH COWS

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
 away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you
with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it
worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

Cheap Halloween Riddles (written by a 10-year-old)

These are some cheap jokes written at school today:

1. What did the Egyptian say to the Pharoah as he was about to die?
2. What do you call a vampire and a snowman’s kid?
3. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
4. What’s black, white, and red all over?
5. What did the boyfriend ghost say to the girlfriend ghost?
6. What do you call a girl ghost that you’re in love with?

  

 

1. I want my mummy!
2. Frostbite!
3. He didn’t have the guts!
4. A very angry mummy!
5. You can see right through me!
6. Your ghoulfriend!

Lego Star Wars Story: Giant Spiders are Awesome

Hello readers,

Here’s something from the 10-year-old that whipped up the Halloween story. Before you look at this, remember 3 things:

1. If you like it, we will show more
2. Jedi/Clones/Republic = Good
3. Sith/Droids = Bad

Keep all those things in mind and enjoy this animated video!

http://starwars.lego.com/en-us/Comics/comic2.aspx

Halloween Freaks! (Humor from a 10-year-old)

Here’s an original story written by a 10-year-old–please respond if you like it! 

Once upon a time there was a boy who was in the graveyard saying goodbye to his deceased relatives.

“Uncle Fred, I…I…I…lo- Wait a minute–you never got me a *$@#* present! I hate you!” he said as he continued through the misty, ghostly graveyard. As he continued to walk he heard a crack. 

Suddenly a male vampire shot up from the ground bleeding from its arm. All the little boy said was “Hi Mom!” When the vampire replied it wasn’t a happy comment. He said,”Son, did you say the d$@#* word?”  Then the little boy said,”Yes, cause that old hag, Fred, was a *$@#*!”

Back to the vampire. “Son.  If you say that word one more time, I will have to bite you in the neck.” Little boy: “Fine, Mom–then I’m running away!”
Mom: “Oh no you’re not, you little brat!”

The boy started to run faster and faster away but could not outrun Mom’s fast wings as she turned into a bat.  The boy tripped over a log as he was grabbed by his bloodthirsty mother…

If you like this, the 10-year-old author will continue his story later on this blog!

****And, since someone asked for more, here is the ultimate conclusion:

When the mom grabbed him he said, “I will give you a punishment worse than a bite in the neck.”

And then no one ever saw the little child again, but some say on a dark night, when there’s a full moon, inside an attic of a dark, old, abandoned house, they see a boy being forced to eat brussel sprouts…

Opals on Mars!

Hello, gentle blog reader,

Opals, my favorite gem, have been discovered on Mars, which means there must have been water there too.  Just imagine ancient Martians bedecked in jewelry–I love it!

Bobbi

Opals on Mars Reveal Planet’s Long Wet Past

Irene Klotz, Discover News

Oct. 29, 2008 — Opals have long been prized for their luster and beauty but the discovery that they also exist on Mars is proving to be gem of another variety.

The deposits, spotted from orbit by a NASA probe, indicate Mars may have been wet for a billion years longer than previously thought. If true, that could have significant impacts for whether the planet was suitable to host life.

“Water may have existed as recently as two billion years ago,” said John Hopkins University’s Scott Murchie, a lead scientist with the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter team. “It extends the time range for liquid water on Mars, and the places where it might have supported life.”

The finding of a new category of hydrated minerals on Mars was reported in the November issue of Geology. The silica-based deposits are the third — and most significantly, the youngest — type of water-containing mineral discovered on Mars.

The oldest hydrated materials are clay-like phyllosilicates, which formed more than 3.5 billion years ago when volcanic rocks bathed for long periods of time in water. Later, hydrated sulfates formed when salty and occasionally acidic water evaporated.

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2008/10/29/mars-opals-water.html

Quote of the Day

Brains, like hearts, go where they are appreciated.

Robert S. McNamara (1916 – ), former U.S. Secretary of Defense

The Value of a Catholic Education and a #2 Pencil (humor)

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

“Tell me Susie, who created the universe?”

When Susie didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Susie.

The Nun said, “Very good” and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Susie, “Who is our Lord and Savior?”

But Susie didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

“Jesus Christ!!!” shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, “Very good,” and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question…”What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”

The nun fainted.